


I think we'll find the way

by adamngoodbatch (sibbed)



Series: Drabbles, prompts & whatever [10]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck is a good dude, Eddie is grieving and scared, Emotional Eddie Diaz, Love Confessions, M/M, Sharing a Bed, mentions of Shannon Diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24744001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sibbed/pseuds/adamngoodbatch
Summary: Buck starts sleeping in Eddie’s bed when their movie nights become a regular. A more than twice a week regular, let’s spend every second together kind of regular.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Drabbles, prompts & whatever [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1745209
Comments: 26
Kudos: 353





	I think we'll find the way

**Author's Note:**

> [Suddenly feels around the bed to search for the other’s hand / body when they’re sleeping]  
> "Stay"  
> “You’re not in bed. I came looking for you.”
> 
> Mashed three fluffy prompts into one angsty love confession just because I can.
> 
> For [Maddie](https://pan-buck.tumblr.com/), [Pauline](https://bisexualbuck.tumblr.com/) & [Lou](https://theladyandthewolves.tumblr.com/)

Buck starts sleeping in Eddie’s bed when their movie nights become a regular. A more than twice a week  _ regular _ , let’s spend every second together kind of  _ regular. _

This is the new normal for them. They fall asleep back to back and sometimes during the night, they search each other to establish one point of contact. One place that reassures them they are there, together, each other anchors. Buck likes to rest his feet against Eddies’ calves. Eddie likes to hold Buck’s hand.

And some nights they roll over and end up curled up together. 

But that’s all there is. Nothing more. 

They’ve shared a kiss, but they were interrupted and the opportunity of taking it forward had vanished in seconds. That was a month ago. Maybe even more. Buck refuses to wallow because now,  _ now _ Buck’s scared to ask for more and he finds himself settling for anything that Eddie might want to give to him. 

Tonight the sheets feel cold on the other side of the bed and it looks like Eddie is most definitely not sleeping beside him. There’s a string of light filtering through the door as Buck blinks awake. He’s on his side and he pats around the bed with his foot. 

Buck rolls to his back and stretches his arm, patting the bed with his palm now. When he realizes Eddie’s really not there, he let out a groan.

It’s 4 am and Buck has a feeling that Eddie never came to bed. He sits up and balances his feet to the floor.

The light that’s filtering through the door comes from the living room and Buck takes a few steps thinking that probably Eddie’s fallen asleep on the couch. Before Buck’d decided to go to bed a few hours ago, Eddie’d been still trying to rearrange the mess that Buck and Chris had made trying to organize some pictures for a school project.

“Hey, you weren't in bed.” Buck walks up to him and resting one hand on the back of the couch, he leans forward and runs his fingers through Eddie’s hair. “I came looking for you.”

“I’m sorry. I-” Eddie looks upset with red-rimmed eyes. Scattered around him there are at least thirty photos and letters. Buck notices he’s holding on to his St. Christopher’s medal and he walks around the couch, standing between Eddies’ legs. 

Buck touches Eddie’s cheek gingerly and gives him a soft smile. “Do you need me to leave? It’s okay if you do.” 

“No, please, don’t. I was just-” Eddie starts picking up each photo and putting them in a box. Buck hesitates for a moment but then Eddie reaches out for Buck’s hand and tugs. "Please, please, stay." 

“Okay.” Buck doesn’t question him, he sits down beside him and picks up a photo. As he looks at it, he begins to understand why Eddie’s feeling so down. It’s a picture of Chris and Shannon, Buck thinks it’s probably from before Eddie returned after his second tour. Shannon’s face is pale and her mouth is coercing a smile so little and forced that Buck feels his heart break for her. Chris is looking at the camera with his trademarked bright smile.

“I’m so sorry, Buck.”

“You don’t have to be, Eddie, really, I understand.”

“I’m trying so hard. I want to do what’s best for him. For us. I guess I just got lost in the memories.”

“Eds, we don’t have to do this. I know what this-” Buck gestures between them “-is. It’s ok.”

“What? You don’t- no, Buck, you don’t understand. I loved her. I really loved her. We didn’t marry just because we had to. We were in love. And then everything went wrong. Every single thing that could go wrong, did. And somewhere along the line, we lost each other. She was angry and I was broken and Christopher needed us and we were just a fucking mess.”

Buck puts a hand on Eddie’s shoulder and squeezes. “I know.”

“This is coming out all wrong. Fuck.”

“Eddie…”

“Fuck. No. Listen to me. You know why after tonight I ended up looking at this?”

“I want to say yes, but I’m guessing that’s not the answer you’re looking for.”

“What? No, you don’t know because I never said anything. So, no, you don’t  _ know _ .”

“Ok, so tell me.”

“I think I feel guilty. I think I feel guilty because she’s dead and I’m-” Eddie hesitates.

“Not?” Buck raises an eyebrow at him, but Eddie’s not looking. He’s still gripping at this one picture and Buck is scared. He’s terrified of what’s to come, because he feels this moment is when they are going to make or break their relationship. He’s going to fight tooth and nails to keep this family they built together, but Eddie is stubborn and if he’s not on the same page, it could all end catastrophically.

“Life was so unfair to her. I was unfair. And now I have this thing, this new life full of possibilities and I’m not taking advantage of it because I’m ridden with guilt. Because she’s dead and I-” Eddie closes the box with the letters and the pictures inside and looks at Buck, “-I have you.”

Buck shifts on the couch, trying to control his brain from jumping to conclusions. Eddie said what he said, yes. But he needs confirmation that what Eddie is saying means what Buck wants him to mean. He sighs and opens his mouth to talk but Eddie’s rambling again.

“It’s not that she’s dead and I’m not. The problem is that she’s dead and I’m in love. With someone that isn’t her. So, my problem, which is not a problem at all and I’m just making a problem from something that isn’t there, is us.”

“You and me, us?”

“Yes.”

Buck can see Eddie’s looking smaller by the minute. He’s curled up on himself, sinking deeper and deeper into the couch. Buck turns his whole body toward him and beams at him.  “So you’re in love with me?”

“Yes.”

“You know that’s not a problem, right?” Buck grabs Eddie’s knee and starts gently rubbing circles on it with his thumb.

“Yes, that’s what I said, but-”

“No, Eddie, no  _ buts. _ You already said it. You have me. In any capacity, however you need and whenever you want.” His toes touch Eddies’ and that gets him to look at Buck again. “I’m in love with you too.”

“Yes.”

“And I’m going to be here for us. For you and for Chris. This is my family. Our family. But I understand that you’re not ready, Eds. I get it. It’s a lot. So we take it day by day and we’ll see how it goes, okay? No pressure.”

“No pressure.” Eddie smiles.


End file.
